kicking puppies is bad

I am cheap. My last boss said I was the cheapest person he knew. I think it was the puke-orange/shit-brown  1979 volvo that I drove that made squelching noises every time I hit the brakes (I found it on craigslist).  Regardless, I like cheap things.  And I’ve just put an offer on a big shiny empty house (that is *not* cheap).  So when I went looking for furniture to fill up that shiny empty house, I naturally tried craigslist.

I usually love craigslist.  It has provided solutions to many problems in my life: I got a job as a magic princess, several slightly evil boyfriends, and two comfy sofa chairs with giant stars on them.   But apparently the hipsters have ruined craigslist (like they ruin everything else).  This is because hipsters seem willing to pay obscene amounts of money for old crap.  And now people think that their “vintage orange floral couch” is worth $400.   And the people with swanky almost new couches think, if people will pay $400 for that old crap, they can charge $1300 for their nice sofa.  And they can’t – this ad has been posting almost every day for the six months I’ve been looking at sofas online.  You would think they would get the picture and lower the price.   But they don’t.  I assume it is because people are selling vintage blue velvet monstrosities for $400.  And their sofa *is* significantly nicer than these “vintage” nightmares.  Damn hipsters. 

Yes, craigslist has become the place that ugly couches go to die.   And it is because of the stupid hipsters.  Now everyone thinks they can add the word “vintage” to their ugly-ass couch and then sell it for crazy amounts of money.   Seriously. 

And the price inflation has made the sellers are delusional.  When they wanted furniture, they went to a furniture store.  They got to pick which fabric they wanted and the style they wanted that fabric on.   They got *exactly* what they wanted.  I’m searching craigslist for their discards.  I’m not getting exactly what I want. 

They often list “custom” in their ad like it is a good thing.  It isn’t.  It means the fabric they picked was ugly, and no one else wanted it.  Which is why they had to “custom” make it.  If it was pretty, other people would have liked it.  Other people  would have wanted it.  And it would have been “standard”.   “Custom” = ugly.   And no one wants your ugly couch. 

Shopping on craigslist, I give up new furniture smell.  I give up finding things that match nicely.  I give up planning (because you never find exactly what you are looking for).  I give up convenience (I have to drive to your home when you are available and haul that sofa back myself).  I give up a lot of things.   You’ve had your sofa for years (think depreciation).  You got to pick exactly what you wanted.   You probably got it delivered.   You dealt with pleasant sales people who were paid to be nice to you.  You got a receipt – so if you found out that you purchased crap – you could usually return it (unless you picked something “custom”).   And your fat ass sat on it for five years making a butt dent.   It isn’t shiny and new anymore.  And I don’t get any of those things.  You need to discount it more than 10% to make up for that.  And if it weren’t for the stupid hipsters inflating the prices, you probably would have realized that. 

No one wants your ugly couch.  Especially not me.   I’m going to sit on the shiny hardwood floor and sulk in my shiny couchless new house (assuming the sale goes through.  I’m not that optimistic).