kicking puppies is bad

I didn’t entirely lie when I said that I blogged to hold myself accountable for my life. Writing (egocentrically) about myself on an (almost) daily basis does involve a lot of introspection. In general, introspection allows me to see that I’m not quite as wonderful as I like to believe. And that motivates me to become a better person.

But I also blog for selfish reasons. My meanness needs a place to creep out. When I was a self-conscious teenager my mom used to say my occasional zits were “the meanness oozing out of me”. I’m an adult now, and like most adults my skin has recovered from its unfortunate adolescent state. Oozing zits no longer provide an mechanism to diffuse the meanness inside of me. So I blog about the people and things that make me want to taser people. And, with the meanness diffused via blogging, I can be charming and pleasant in real life (really, I’m not nearly as hateful in person). And (in real life) no one knows that I am a horrible and mean. I blog because mocking people occasionally makes me smile (but in real life it has consequence). And I blog because venting is a healthy way to deal with my disdain for the general population.

I write because blogging makes me feel better. But this week has been a FML week. And it is just continuing to get worse. And even hateful blogging isn’t making me feel better. Perhaps this is Karma’s equalizer for the full scholarship to law school I found out about last month. Or maybe Karma is annoyed by the absolute glee that I take from each porsche I zoom past on my morning commute to work because I get to use the carpool lane. There is something wonderful about zooming by porsches in my little scion xD. And it makes me smile. And I know I shouldn’t be gleeful about the porsche owners misery as they sit in traffic. But I can’t help smiling just a tiny bit when I pass them (especially the really douchey porsches with the giant spoilers on the back).

But this week has had several major blows. Due to some unfortunate work politics, I think my husband may lose his job. And the owner of the shiny house I was so excited about (which would have allowed me to move out of my in-laws house) rejected our offer (which even stunned *his* Realtor – our offer was pretty generous). And my health has taken a turn for the worse. And, since the house offer fell through, we won’t be able to rescue BIL’s amazing dog – who is going to end up in the pound. He will probably get euthanized because no one wants a 7 year old dog with hip problems – even if he is amazingly sweet. And I’m having friend issues. And even passing NINE porsches yesterday wasn’t enough to make me feel happy.