kicking puppies is bad

I occasionally think the world would be a better place if more people read my blog. It I can imagine a world where people took my helpful advice and didn’t donate clothes to goodwill with random b0dily fluids on them and where other people seriously considered their net impact on the world.  I can imagine a world where no one ever wore naughty bumblebee costumes and where stupid girls never said “what’cha thinking”, and definitely never sent text messages asking “what’cha thinking?” to *anyone*.   

In the moments when I think my blog can solve all the world’s annoying problems, I randomly google things like “getting people to read your blog“.   I find most articles contain useless blog recruitment advice.  But I have found one list that is decidedly helpful (well, probably not helpful, but at least amusing).  It contains advice like “Don’t write about your cat, your boyfriend or your kids.” 

I write about my husband a lot (my husband reads my blog, so writing about my boyfriend is off limits).  And I write about my puppies (I don’t have a cat – but I’ll assume that writing about puppies is just as bad).  But I never write about my kids, mostly because I don’t have any.  If I did, I’m sure I would turn into one of those annoying people who seems to think it is appropriate to talk about the consistency of their child’s defications  on my blog.  I don’t have kids for several reasons.  One of which is that I seem unaware of when children are present and incapable of filtering comments like “Filthy Cunt-Rag” and “Fuck-a-Duck” from my vocabulary.   This weekend I spent an hour teaching a friend’s nephew that it’s very important to pat your head three times before turning on a light switch.  It kept him entertained for a long time.  I’m not sure if this means that he isn’t that bright, or if all three year olds can be amused by running back an forth between two light switches, and patting their heads before turning them on, and off, and on, and off, and on…….  His parents probably hate me - or maybe they were just happy to have ten minutes of peace while someone else entertained their kid (even it it means he know thinks that patting your head is a necessary part of turning on the light).   I think the world is a better place when everyone has a few OCD tendencies like me. 

This post has no purpose (which apparently is bad for gaining blog readers).  But all of the useful advice (like, “Don’t be boring”) doesn’t help when you have nothing entertaining to say.  I wrote about other people’s kids (which I assume is as boring about writing about my own hypothetical kids).   I will never gain a cult of blog reading minions.  And the world will continue to be a *horrible* place where people lack my useful advice.  Bummer.