kicking puppies is bad

My sister (the artist formerly known as triangle_girl) says that my journal is “based on real life” the way that lifetime movies are. I’m not entirely sure how she knows about lifetime movies. She has a 12″ TV that she got off craigslist for $5. It has rabbit ear antennae and gets five somewhat fuzzy channels. Lifetime television for women is definitely not one of them. And if it were, I would like to think she wouldn’t watch it. In fact, I highly doubt she has ever actually watched an entire lifetime movie.When she wants to watch TV she comes over to my house (six houses away). I have a much bigger, nicer TV. And my antenna is on the roof so although I get the same five channels that she does, they are much clearer at my house. I also have a DVR to record these 5 channels. DVRs are cool because you can fast-forward the commercials. Commercials are icky (except the ones for Rozerem. If I ever need a sleep aid, I am totally going to use Rozerem, because my prescription drug decisions should be made completely based on commercials featuring our 16th president, an astronaut and a beaver…).

Anyways, that was not the point of this rant. The point was that (according to my sister) the veracity of my journal is similar to that of a lifetime move. I occasionally embellish the truth because it is much more interesting that way. I don’t outright lie, but two days ago when I said that creepy guys scared my sister away, the reality was that she mostly got bored with OkCupid. You guys just weren’t entertaining enough (although there was this guy that was pretty creepy…). And while my sister’s hair is slightly unkempt, calling it “a cross between a fiery tumbleweed and an electrocuted hamster” may have been a bit harsh. And on the 25th when I said that it was possible my research would accomplish evil things, I wasn’t actually worried that my research would accomplish evil things. In fact, I find it highly unlikely (but possible). And yesterday when I wrote a post “complaining” that OkCupid had labeled me as “pure” and “compassionate”, I didn’t really need your reassurance that “I don’t think anyone takes the icons seriously”. And Saturday when I posted concern because one of my acquaintances called me, Career Girl™ Barbie®, I wasn’t actually worried that I resembled Career Girl™ Barbie® (My suit was like, totally brown, and hers was like, totally black. And she totally has bangs. I so *totally* did not look like her…).

My dry sense of humor is what makes my posts mildly entertaining. I just didn’t realize that it had reached a level where it was parched beyond recognition as humor. But based on the seriousness of some of the responses I have been getting, apparently it has. I assure you, I am not melodramatic enough to be actually offended by being called compassionate.

So I just wanted to make sure that everyone who was reading my journal actually realized that I’m generally not entirely serious when I post (although I *do* generally believe the gist of what I say). I don’t necessarily believe in “magical-statistics-gnomes” inside the OkCupid computers. And while I *am* obsessed with gummi bears, I do occasionally eat real foods. And I (mostly) realize that I will never be a ballerina-astronaut (or Noam Chomsky) when I grow up. And I don’t actually think science is my religion.

Also, for those of you who read my journal regularly, you may be interested to know that I turned down the Bausch & Lomb, Sr. Programmer/Analyst job. I accepted the other offer which I’m not actually going to give you details about. If I gave you details, then you would know where I work and you could hunt me down and that would be creepy. So at this point all I can say is that I am neither a ballerina-astronaut nor Noam Chomsky. *Sigh*