kicking puppies is bad

I understand (or at least have some idea about) how the OkCupid personality awards are calculated. According to OkCupid, they are based on population means (or maybe medians, I actually have no idea). But if I answer questions substantially differently from the majority of OkCupid users, the magical-statistics-gnomes inside the OkCupid computer give me an “award” – which notes this difference.This means that there are two ways I can get new awards: I can change, or the rest of the OkCupid users (as a group) can change. Recently, I received two new awards:

and I haven’t altered the answers to any of my questions, and I haven’t answered any new questions, so I think it is safe to assume that I haven’t changed. That means that as a whole, OkCupid users in general must have changed. You guys suck. You are becoming less compassionate and less pure. Soon you will all be kicking puppies and slaugtering little old ladies while dressed up as furries. Yiff! You should be ashamed of yourself. Seriously, what are you thinking?

Normally I wouldn’t mind. But as you become less compassionate and less pure, you are making me look more pure and more compassionate. And that makes me seem all girly. And I hate that. And I’m not girly (or pure or compassionate). If you all keep making me look girly, I will be forced to acquire a love of shopping and start thinking math is hard. Ewww…