kicking puppies is bad

While living in the Bay Area, I applied for jobs at Google several times. I was told it was an honor to get an interview there. Google is a shiny happy place to work. It’s sort of like Willy Wonka’s factory, only with more video games and the Oompa-Loompa’s are slightly taller and they program computers. And all good tech geeks used to want a job there. I actually had a few interviews (2 or 3). And at each interview I received a lovely gift bag filled with lovely Google paraphernalia (t-shirts, blinking pins, pens, etc.). But I never received a job offer

At the time, I was dating someone who worked at Google. And after one of my interviews he printed out the HR feedback sheet. It was an internal document and I wasn’t supposed to see it. But he was a bit of a dick and assumed that rules didn’t apply to him. So he showed me. There were five pages of feedback. I don’t remember everything that was said but the basic idea was, “You’re smart and have the statistical skills Google needs. But you don’t have the interpersonal communication skills we would need.” This made me sad. I was dating someone from Google and had lots of Google friends. My understanding was that no one at Google had decent interpersonal communication skills. My interpersonal communication skills were deemed unworthy by one of the nerdiest sets of spastic code monkeys ever. It took several bags of gummi bears for me to recover from that shock.

The sad thing is that my interpersonal communication skills really aren’t that bad (at least not in a work context – where no one ever requires me to discuss my feelings). At my current job, I regularly deal with the CEO, CFO and Board of Directors. And I actually have a reputation for being able to communicate highly technical information to diverse groups of people (like the icky administrators who don’t like math and pretentious neurosurgeons who *really* like math). And I have won awards at conferences for my presentations. I actually communicate fairly effectively (at work).

You are probably wondering why I am reminiscing about old failed job interviews. I have an in-person interview next week. They have ALREADY done three phone screens and asked all sorts of technical SAS questions. They have also asked all the standard interview questions about my personal goals, my salary expectations, and what kind of fruit I would be if I were in a fruit bowl. Now they are bringing me in for an in-person interview. And I can’t help but think that since they have already mostly assessed my technical skills, they really want to know that I am not completely socially inept (and that I don’t have large goiters). But interviews (unlike conferences, presentations, meetings, etc.) make me insane. And it is quite possible that I resemble a spastic hamster on Ritalin. And I’m still not entirely sure what I did in the Google interview that led them to believe I was entirely socially inept (other than resemble a spastic hamster on Ritalin). So I really hope that I don’t do it again.