kicking puppies is bad

I don’t understand other girls. This might be why I have very few female friends. Girls are weird. I’m really glad that I’m not a lesbian. Dealing with girls is scary. Dating girls is scarier. But that is an entirely different story. Today’s reason that I hate (or at least completely don’t understand) girls is that they send ridiculous sentimental email forwards with pictures of kittens in them.My male friends almost never send me stupid ridiculous sentimental email forwards. And I don’t think any of my guy friends have EVER emailed me a picture of a kitten (unless it was their kitten, in which case sending a picture is moderately understandable).

I *hate* email forwards. I hate chain letter messages about poor Timmy the orphan with one leg whose puppy died in a horrible fiery car crash (especially when I will get a billion years of bad luck for not continuing to forward the message). I hate messages about the billion-zillion dollars that I could make in the newest pyramid scheme. I hate random warnings about exceptionally obvious email viruses (Is viruses that the plural of virus? It doesn’t look quite right). I hate “funny” rhyming motivational email forwards in Dr. Suess style. And I **really** hate funny rhyming motivational email forwards about poor Timmy the orphan who is trying to scam me with the newest pyramid scheme while warning me about an obvious virus and sending me a picture of a kitten.

Today, I got an email forward from one of my friends with the subject: “Re: Dr Seuss (Do not delete)”. I think this has to be a new level of email-forward craziness. Someone actually wrote “Do not delete” in the subject. Because they *realize* that I hate email forwards and my gut reaction is to delete the email forward. Why would they put “Do not delete” in the subject? The only thing that accomplishes is to confirm my suspicion that they are sending me an email forward that I want to delete without reading.

And yet somehow, because they *are* my friend, I feel compelled to open the forwarded email message. I worry that before they forwarded it, they might have added an *actual* important personal message. So I opened the stupid email forward. Now I have *another* billion years of bad luck. Sigh…