kicking puppies is bad

Sportcoat_punk wrote a journal entry about seeking his OkCupid Mortal Enemy (based on “enemy” percentage). Apparently he was disappointed because his mortal enemy was not horribly offensive:

He doesn’t eat puppies and club seals while burning down orphanages to release toxic smoke into the atmosphere or anything like that. I was hoping to discover I had an evil twin, bent on world domination or something.

So I started wondering who *my* mortal enemy was. What would my mortal enemy be like? I imagined my mortal enemy being completely evil – like a combination (evil love child?) of Dick Cheney and Ellen Fein.

My real mortal enemy (rvburt) wasn’t quite so atrocious. He *does* club baby seals (or at least enjoys hunting). He *does* kick puppies (well, his profile says he dislikes them. I bet he would kick them if no one was looking). It is difficult to determine exactly how evil and dastardly rvburt actually is is given that the entirety of his profile is 32 words:

Hey there its me. I’m a good fellow who like to have fun. Just seeing where life takes me. I like to meet new people. I party, fish, play sports, and hunt.

Small amounts of additional information can be gained from the profile basics that OkCupid provides and from his photos. He has a kid. He is in the military. And there is some sort of giant belt-buckle like thing in one of his photos that has an American flag on it (like the scary WWF wrestling belts?) And he appears very happy with his giant American flag belt buckle thing. Also he has the “more republican” award.He is 1% my friend (but 2% my match). I’m always surprised that you can match someone at a higher rate than you are friends with them. I always thought that in order to successfully “match” with someone, you should be at least that friendly with them. And I almost always have a higher friend percentage than match percentage with other people. Do you think OkCupid is trying to tell me I should “just be friends” with *everyone* and that I should *never* date? Apparently that isn’t always the case. I match rvburt twice as much as I am friends with him. Does that mean I should be more willing to date my mortal enemy than to be his friend?

I think my mortal enemy is much more deserving of “mortal enemy” status than sportcoat_punk‘s . My mortal enemy is apparently an animal-killing military christian puppy-hating proud republican american. And I guess that sounds about right for a mortal enemy.