kicking puppies is bad

I was reading other OkCupid journals recently. A lot of people talk about their past relationships and their current relationship ideals in their journals. That makes sense because this is a forum that mostly revolves around relationships. One phrase that seemed to pop up frequently when people were describing their ideal companion was “someone who likes me just they way I am”. I partly blame Bridgets Jones’s Diary and that big speech from Mark Darcy about liking people just as they are – not thinner, not cleverer, not with slightly bigger breasts or a slightly smaller nose…

Ok, maybe I don’t actually blame Bridget Jones’s Diary. I think there are TONS of things in our culture that have encouraged people my age to expect that other people will like us just the way we are. I wrote a journal entry about Mr. Rogers a while ago. The basic premise was that Mr. Rogers told our entire generation that we were “special”, just they way we were. He honestly should have been telling us that there was a lot of room for improvement. In some ways, this post is the same theme revisited – but in the context of relationships and friendships.

I don’t think I really want to be in a relationship with someone who likes me “just the way I am”. I want someone who encourages me to be better than I currently am. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want someone who cares about all the superficial crap mentioned in the Bridget Jones quote. I don’t seek out friends or lovers who want someone thinner, with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose. But I *do* seek out people who encourage me to be “cleverer” or nicer, or more useful.

Of course it helps if they don’t absolutely *despise* the current version of me. People who despise me make me slightly sad. And being sad sucks. So I guess I look for people who “mostly like me the way I am, but can definately see room for improvement…” or maybe I look for people who “like a lot of things about me, but *definitely* not everything”.

On a mostly unrelated note, Haribo Gummi Bears are not vegetarian. This is a sad, sad thing. It is also one of the reasons I only list myself as “mostly vegetarian”. I would probably be a better person (definately a better vegetarian) if one of my friends “inspired” me to give up Haribo Gummi Bears. But I don’t want to ever meet the person that positively influences my character in *that* way. I would be sad if someone positively impacted my character by encouraging me to give up Haribo Gummi Bears. Without Gummi Bears I would be very, very sad.