kicking puppies is bad

I was looking at my profile this morning and I noticed that according to OkCupid, I match myself 98% (and 98% is my highest possible match, given the number of questions I answered). I “friend match” at 95%, and I am 0% enemy with myself. This must be a mistake. I am definately more than 0% enemy with myself. I am at least 20% enemy. And, I’m not 95% friend. Most days, if I had the choice, I wouldn’t hang out with myself. I *totally* wouldn’t date me. I realize that this makes me a liar. My profile opens with the statement, “If I were a guy, I would *totally* date me.” Truthfully, if I were a guy, I would run like hell. Which brings up another issue: profile lies…

The aformentioned statement (If I were a guy, I would *totally* date me) is actually the only lie in my profile that I am aware of. This means I’m probably doing pretty well. Studies at Boston University suggest that 90% of people probably lie in their profiles, and many of them lie quite a lot. According to studies at MIT, women in their 30′s lie about their weigh by (on average) about 17 lbs. SEVENTEEN POUNDS! That is the weight of approximately 1.7 average adult cats! How could someone not notice 1.7 average adult cats? And that is an average, which means it is likely that many women lie more than 1.7 cats.

Women (according to the same studies) generally lie about weight, age, and appearence, while men lie about income, height and marital status. Men at least choose to lie about things they can continue to cover up for a while (marital status and income). I can (almost) understand where the men are coming from. I’m assuming that if they are lying about their marital status, their motivation for online dating is sex. If they are married they are probably not looking for a “relationship”. If they are looking for sex, and they are lying about something undesirable that they can cover up for one or two dates then lying makes them more likely to accomplish their goal. And they don’t really care if the lying ruins the potential for a relationship, because they weren’t seeking a relationship to begin with.

But what are the women thinking? Do they think that people will not notice when they show up and they are 1.7 adult cats heavier than they said they were? How can that possibly work out for them? Now, not only will their date potentially think that they are ugly, their date will also think that they are a liar. Regardless of what they were hoping to gain from the encounter (sex, relationship, friends) how can making their date think they are a liar be a good thing?

Summary: I lied in my profile. I wouldn’t date me. But OkCupid thinks I should. That is ridiculous. Also, I’m not the only person who lies. Apparently, 90% of the rest of you lie too. And women do it stupidly.