kicking puppies is bad

The vending machine won’t take my dollar. This makes me sad. I didn’t bring lunch. I have a supply of Clif Bars (Chocolate Peanut Crunch) and Clif Mojo Bars (Mountain Mix) at my desk, but I was hoping for something slightly less healthy. I really wanted Cheetos – not granola bars made with organic oats and soybeans. I’m not really having a “healthy” day.

This creates a dilemma. I can ask one of my coworkers if they have change for my rejected dollar, or I can suck it up and have a Clif Bar (again). Last time I tried to get change from a coworker, I was unsuccessful. In addition to being unsuccessful, I got to listen to a 1/2 hour story about their infant’s lastest developmental breakthrough. And I’m not sure how many more of these stories I can take. To quote one of my favorite advice columnists (Childfree Abby), I want to say, “Dude, I’m glad your kid is healthy, but damn it to hell and back, can’t you talk about anything else? Hey, yeah, daycare costs a lot, sucks to be you. I don’t care about potty training, the consistency of his shit, or how he hates pureed spinach. I don’t care that you bought this kid a stroller that costs more than my car or that your diaper bill exceeds the GNP of a several small African nations. I’ve heard enough about how he can now manage to roll over and drink out of a sippy cup.”

Since I don’t want to risk actually *saying* any of the rude things that I will inevitably think (and thus alientating a coworker), I think I will have a Clif Bar. There are no cheetos in my immediate future. Clif Bars are healthier anyways.

On the bright side, Tracy is back — so my hellish week of having to deal with actual people is over…